Societal deficits help drive manosphere

Society encourages men and young boys to conceal their emotions and to channel their feelings into actions or aggression, studies show. Some experts say this may help explain why they tend to be perceived as less emotional. 

“I think the message for young boys is often ‘figure it out, come up with an action plan and implement that, or suck it up and go play sports,’” said Dr. Elizabeth Kieff, a psychiatrist in private practice who is also a U-High parent.

Dr. Kieff believes that sometimes, this messaging results in boys viewing their emotions as an issue rather than a feeling, and continue to later in life.

“They’re viewing a negative emotion as a problem that needs to be solved,” Dr. Kieff said, “and so they’re immediately making it an intellectual question, rather than an emotional piece of information.”

Dr. Kieff believes that this approach to expressing and dealing with emotions is unhealthy and unproductive for boys and men.

“There are some emotions — in fact, a lot of emotions —  that aren’t problems to solve,” she said. “The death of a parent, a fight with a spouse. Sometimes it’s about being able to listen or being able to express your own vulnerability.”

Studies show there is no biological basis to suggest that women are more emotional than men. However, historically, the culture both in the United States and elsewhere has propelled gender norms in which men are expected to display fewer emotions and women are expected to show more.

“We still glorify strength and power and decisiveness and problem solving and intellect,” Dr. Kieff said, “and not men who are able to cry or say, ‘This was moving to me’ or shine and show strengths in other ways.”

None of this, experts say, is an explanation or justification for men who resort to violence or participate in highly aggressive groups. Still, for many men with no involvement in extremist movements, the pressures are significant.

“I think that that leaves a lot of men who might not be physically super strong or who might feel things more deeply feeling like there’s not a lot of outlets, ” Dr. Kieff said, “or maybe even language for them to use around that.”

Indeed, Dr. Kieff said, there is a growing understanding of the failings of cultural expectations for men when it comes to expressing emotions. 

“I think there’s good hope today, too, because I think part of what has shifted is there’s been a recognition of toxic masculinity,” Dr. Kieff said. She added, “All that kind of stuff is really exciting. And I do think that there’s some change in your generation that would point to that.”