“You’re doing that wrong.”

“How could you not have figured that out?”

“Just give me the pipette. It’s faster if I just do it.”

These were the phrases that I was often told by my male lab partner during my summer biology program at the University of Chicago. Before entering the program, I was unaware of how males can try and dominate in a laboratory setting, and my naivety led me to be unprepared to stand up to my lab partner.

Before entering a STEM-based program, females should mentally prepare by planning how they will react to male aggression while males need to be made aware of situations in which they may inadvertently become the aggressor.

My default mindset prevented me from responding forcefully to my lab partner, Akshay’s, aggressive comments. When I formulated a response in my mind, the first thought that came to me was, “be civil; be polite. Being rude will only make the situation worse.” Civility has been a reliable default in most social situations up until this point. However, if I politely told Akshay “I’m pretty sure I’m doing it correctly,” he would continue to criticize my work whereas if I forcefully said “it’s correct” he would stop.

Not only should women prepare for verbal aggression, but they should also prepare for subtle physical aggression. Often my partner would say to me, “You didn’t do that right,” and then physically push me out of the way. Thus, it was important for me to instinctively stand strong while I was working so that he wasn’t able to push me as easily. This was a habit that took time and conscious effort to form.

While I eventually learned how to fend off Akshay’s aggressive comments, he never stopped making them altogether. Whenever I would forcefully reply to his criticism, he would act surprised that his comments had elicited such a reaction from me. I felt like he did not understand how some of his comments were aggressive, and that’s a problem.

From my perspective, without prior awareness of the male to female dynamic in laboratory settings, my lab partner’s aggressive comments left me caught off guard and thus initially frozen to react.

Considering his perspective, I do not think he was aware that he was dominating over me, which perpetuated his aggression.

I expect that STEM teachers who use labs as part of their curriculum will discuss with both males and females the unequal dynamic that often occurs in a laboratory, emphasizing to males how to respect their lab partner by holding back on excessive criticism and staying out of their lab partner’s personal space while emphasizing to females the importance of mental preparation for aggression and more importantly, confidence. I believe females have the right to a confident start to their STEM careers.